I truly love the semiotics of a celebrity date, from Dua Lipa and Callum Turner tubing around the Amalfi Coast to Sarah Pidgeon and Joe Alwyn getting drinks and making out in New York. For someone who hates to engage in athletic endeavors in my own romantic life, though, I’m particularly gagged (in the good, gay way) over the recently released photos of Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet going for a Citi Bike ride together.
Photo: Backgrid
Below, all the thoughts I had about the couple’s cycle à deux:
- Before we go any further, can everyone go watch the video of Chalamet getting joyfully shirtless after the Knicks’ NBA Finals title win?
- Thank you for watching that video, as I assume you did promptly!
- From basketball to bicycle dates, these two clearly really love sports.
- And Chalamet is wearing a Yankees cap! This man does not play about New York-based athletic leagues!
- The one time I went on a “hiking date,” I almost threw up from heat exhaustion and had to wait somewhere embarrassingly far from the top of Runyon Canyon while my date got me water—but, you know, to each their own.
- Jenner’s sunglasses are kind of giving Kendall Jenner’s tiny-sunglasses era (which I actually never abandoned, because the only thing that dictates when I switch sunglass shapes is the point at which I inevitably lose my favorites).
- Here’s something I’ve always wondered about: Do celebrities have access to a finer class of Citi Bike? Or are they huffing and puffing on the same old janky, clanky ones that make me late to the office every time I decide to “get active” on my commute when I’m in New York?
- Chalamet’s insouciantly tied sweatshirt-as-scarf…hot, I fear.
- Not Jenner biking in Tabis!
- As one of my colleagues (name withheld) said: “Kylie yearns for the Lower East Side!”
- While we’re on the topic, what’s going on with Kiki’s?
- Anyway, back to this pic.
- Is it…comfortable to bike in Tabis?
- Maybe I need to get my doing-SoulCycle-in-jeans-à-la-RFK-Jr. investigative reporter hat on and try it out for myself.
- Here’s something I would love a more physically active person to answer for me: Isn’t a biking date awkward? Like, what if you cycle at different paces?
- And what of Jenner and Chalamet’s inevitable bodyguard phalanxes? Do they follow along in a car?
- I guess true celebrity love means that your bodyguards tail you through the city at exactly the same pace.
- Should I start wearing athletic shorts as formalwear?
